Merde Alors!

Is it just me or have Parisian dogs gotten the gastro? 

On my way to work today, walking down rue du Quatre Fils, I ran into - wait for it -

EIGHT DOGGIE MERDES!

In addition to the merde, was the rain, which had managed to spread it around the various bits of quasi-sidewalk that make up the Marais. There was the smeared bit near rue des Archives, the little turd that was hiding behind the post - what a stinker! That's right, I said stinker. There was the bit that was smashed into the grill around the tree, disguised as mud, and there was the plippity-plog merde that went on here and there, halfway down the road. Indecisive doggie n'est pas.

I almost stopped to take a photo as proof, but thought better of it. Instead, I found this website, which documents Parisian doggie merde from 2003 onward. You're welcome. 

According to Paris.fr, picking up les déjections canines has been obligatory since 2002, so, where is the doggie merde police, you may be asking yourself. After this morning's promenade, I have come to the conclusion that they were on a coffee break most of yesterday, plus all of this morning. Or it could be that they were on vacances scolaire, just like the rest of the Parisians. As all Frenchies know, everybody needs vacances, and that includes the doggie merde police.

Thankfully, after 7 years of experience jumping and skipping to avoid landing in les crottes de chien, my reflexes are in tip-top shape.  I thus arrived at work merde-free...which is more than I can say for that poor lady who was texting and walking... Ah que c'est bon d'être Parisienne...

Texto

My friend Sunny Life at The Ups and Downs of an American once texted me the following:

"Hi. The French have a high tolorance for discomfort, inefficiency, the impractical, bad odors and dogdoo."

I agree wholeheartedly.

A Dedication to My Dear Friend at "Ups and Downs in France"

Behold! The famous Moto Crotte! (French Turd Mobile!) These are the fancy ones on the French Riviera...see how they gleam with the blue Mediterranean glitzening in the background?????

BREAKING NEWS! Drive By Shitting in Toulouse! Death by Dog Poop!!

Copain was getting ready for bed when he yelled at me from the other room, "FCC come here!" Me, thinking it was urgent, went on over waiting for whatever it was that was so important.

Then, Copain, in a grave voice said, "My boss slipped on dog poop today and fell in the cross walk while crossing the street. Dont laugh - he had to go to the hospital."

I couldn't help it - the nervous laugh erupted as I imagined bumbling a Frenchman doing his little hurried walk across the street, when BAM!

Drive by shitting! Death by Dog Poop!

Apparently all that was hurt was his elbow (Copain told me there was blood...oooooooh) and his ego. Plus, the man had to go to the French hospital smelling like shit. Literally. 

What do you say when you arrive at the welcome desk?  Um, excusez-moi Madame, I seem to have slipped on what appears to be dog shit.  Is there a doctor who can examine my elbow? Bonjour Docteur, well, the shit just came out of nowhere - I didn't even see it coming.  It just snuck right under my shoe and then I was flying through the air trying to avoid the Peugots and Renaults hauling ass through the intersection.  It's a miracle I got out alive!

And PS, only a French person would go to the hospital about their elbow after slipping in dog shit - that's what my tax euros are paying for didn't you know? I might try to drown in a urine puddle tomorrow so that I can win those euros back.  However, Death by Dog Piss might be a bit more dramatic. 

Thank god there were no sharp edges in that cross walk yesterday. The Drive by shitting may have been even more dramatic than it already was.