After 8 months of Parisian living I finally got my act together and got a gym membership and yes, I would like a medal and/or a cookie for my efforts.
Thankfully, instead of paying the 800+ Euro annual fee, I got a super duper amazing discount through my work. phew. compte bancaire sauvé.
The first day I headed over there with the Copain was a Sunday - very chill - jumped on an elliptical - lasted 15 minutes - thought I was going to die - could barely walk for about four days. The second time we went it was a Tuesday...
Not. So. Chill - I should have known...
The entire working population of Paris goes to the gym between the hours of 6pm and 10pm leaving you running/wrestling for ANY cardio machine. It makes you wonder why the eff you went to the gym in the first place when you could run ANYWHERE for FREE in Paris. (the answer to that question is that you decided it was more important to wait 30 minutes to run on a machine than to risk running through Parisian dog poo and French loogies only to be harassed by your local corner homeless dude on the way home).
Hence our decision to try out a group class instead of braving the cardio machines the following Tuesday.
Copain signed up for the crazy ridiculous and très difficile RPM biking class while I went for the zen relaxation class "Body Balance". I should have known better having tried these yoga- thai chi -pilates combo classes for dummies before, but it was either that or thoroughly injuring/killing myself on a bike for an hour so Body Balance it was.
I somehow managed to get a spot in the back, shoved in a corner by the molding over
Emergency Exit door. Great for my health. Our blond (with dark roots) instructer began with what she calls a "Thai chi -inspired" warm-up followed by a "Yoga-inspired" stretching section. ooh goody. Her musical accompaniment: lyrical versions of Jay-Z's hit "New York". I cannot tell a lie my friends - this ish is the TRUTH.
Beyond the "balls of light" we had to swish from right to left and the "crocodile pose" that I am convinced she invented and try to pawn off as yoga, I got to listen to Blondette sing along - Neeew Yooooork...(mumble mumble because I don't know the words in English) Un, deux, et trois - YES! YES! Saying YES in English instead of French so obviously made her feel super cool - it was her trademark call out during the ENTIRE hour of class.
It pretty much brought on suicidal thoughts that I had to supress while I swished balls of shining light, à droite, à gauche, à droite, à gauche...YES.