Les Poux de Paris

  • I've seen advertisements for poux treatments in every. single. pharmacy I've past by this week. Magnified bugs next to a fancy shampoo treatment.
  • My Very Parisian Friend knows someone who has poux this very moment.
  • I've been around kids lately.
These three things alone have lead me to feeling itchy for the past four days - so itchy that I made my colleague check my head - at work. Then I made Copain check my head again today as he watched re-runs of Kaamelott.  He now thinks I'm slightly losing my mind. It didn't help that we'd just finished watching The Beaver, a film about mental illness.

Not only has my head been feeling itchy, but I've also had itchy arms, itchy legs, itchy back, itchy face. I'm just itchy all over.  What. the. hell.

It makes me wonder how I will ever have kids - kids who at some point in their lives will have poux. Poux that I will have to deal with...in my home. Oh dear mother of poux.  It takes me back to being 10 years old, Peggy the custodian using popsicle sticks to sift through each and every fifth-grader's hair.  My sister got them, my brother got them, and I made fun of them...until I got them too.  Then my poor mother stayed up until 3am giving me poux shampoos and picking nits out of my waist-length hair.

Like I said, I may never have kids for sheer terror of poux.

My colleague tried to comfort me by relaying her grandmother's tried and true remedy of putting mayonnaise in your hair and then sleeping with your head wrapped in plastic wrap.  Maybe she didn't know how I felt about mayonnaise...

I'm wondering if there aren't any preventative measures I can take...like shaving my head, investing in some kind of mayonnaise spray or googling poux protective gear for tight situations, like the Parisian metro.  Ok, that's it - I just googled poux - somebody stop me.

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