"Well, Madamoiselle, eet seems to be a moosle connected to your L2 zat eeze causing all zee trouble," explained Dr. F.
"Which muscle exactly would that be?" I asked.
"It eeze a combination of moosles really (rattles off lots of complicated French anatomical references that are impossible to follow) zat are making zee pain."
"But we are going to do an eex-ray to ensure zat zere eeze no additional dammage on zee bodee," he continued.
"Ok, that sounds good. Now what about the reason why I am feeling a nerve in my lower back/butt area and then down my leg?"
"Zat eeze because a nerve is beingk affected by zee moosele attached to your L2 zat eeze out of zee place."
"And what do you think about my dance classes? Do you think I can go? I am very worried about worsening this problem - especially since my dance teacher is very intense - I mean she is the one who made me do the movement that started this whole mess in the first place! And now I have been to the doctor at least 7 times and I really want to know what it going on because let's be honest, how are we going to fix it if we don't know what it wrong in the first place - also do you think that if the x-ray comes back inconclusive that we can consider physical therapy in order to try and solve any of the imbalances that are perhaps causing this issue?"
"Mademoiselle (sighs), you a leeetle too Americaine - you ask why eet eeze erting, zee names of zee moosles...you want to know ow we weel fix zis. You need to try to be a leetle more like zee French - tell yourself, eh, sheet appens."
So there you have it. I'm a leetle too Americaine for zis guy.