So I thought I'd make a list of what I hope this year will bring - putting out the good vibes and all that...
I've always had a really hard time finding balance in my life. I'm an over-commiter and a perfectionist - it's a bad combination. Great for employers, but bad for me and any sort of balance I ever wished to achieve. Because I'm good at troubleshooting and planning, I will tear myself apart, stay late at the office and make sure that no balls have dropped - until I am exhausted. I will forego my yoga class to work on a schedule and prep for the next day, just so that tomorrow is a little less stressful, so that I will have finally "gotten ahead".
My hope for 2013 is that I will put the work down, and get to yoga or get home to have dinner with Copain or say yes to an invite from a friend for drinks. I hope that I will carve out time for myself and remember that it will all get done - maybe just not this very moment.
A New Parisian Apartment
While I feel strangely attached to my little hovel in the 11th arrondissement, I think it's time to move on. Copain and I are THIRTY and we live in 28.85 meters squared - isn't there something wrong with that? (That's less than 300 square feet for you Amuuuricans). This place has served us well, and it served its purpose while Copain was abroad and I lived here alone (cheap rent to pay all by my lonesome!), but now we want to invite friends over for dinner, we want to turn on the heat and know that it's not escaping out the leaky windows, we want a new taupe couch damnit.
Part of me feels horrible to even gripe - we have a roof over our heads, we are warm, we are lucky - it's more than lots of people have. But I'm ready for more and since we can afford it, I think we are going to move. We still want to keep the budget low-ish, but two bedrooms would be ah-mazing and maybe space for a dining room table? Even room for a coffee table would be the bees knees...what luxury!!
Lately, I've been feeling a bit lost. Maybe it's the big 3-0 and all that comes along with it. Maybe it's because I've never been the kind of person who only wanted to do one thing, and one thing only. I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. So, I'm on a search for a clearer path. I'm considering doing a yoga teacher training course (if I can figure out how to manage that with my day job), and I'm hoping that will help inspire me to get back the FCC before the injury that put a halt to my daily love of movement (and turned out to be a herniated disc). This video is floating around facebook these days, and it's a good reminder...
City Love and Appreciation
I absolutely love Paris. Truly - I think I fell in love with Paris before I'd even visited; I was pulled to live here and I knew I had to to make it happen, somehow, someday. Now that I'm here and settled (for the most part), I feel like I don't take advantage of all the city has to offer. (Maybe I'm extra feeling this way because I just spent the better part of 7 days on a taupe couch with the gastro, but still). I'm not good about booking tickets for plays or dance performance, at going to exhibits or checking up on cultural events around town. I usually just play each weekend by ear and like to check out new restaurants and old faves. But shouldn't I go to these things happening all around me?! I don't have kids to pick up from school or any other responsibilities beyond my full-time (but admittedly, intense) job. So, what gives? I hope that in 2013 I will stop with my whole "fear of committing my time away" and just book some tickets already!
A Solid Foot in France
In part of the memory that my mom gave me for Christmas, she wrote this:
I hope that you will be able to plant your feet more firmly in France, as I know that it is important to you. Put these things out to the cosmos and things will fall into place.
For as long as I've lived in France, I've had trouble with this. I wrote about it more clearly in this blog post. Since writing it, I'm not much better off to tell you the truth... but I have perhaps made some progress. I think that many of my 2013 hopes/goals will help - moving to a bigger/better apartment with room for growth, finding a clearer path, digging into the city - all of these things will be beneficial to planting my feet in my second country. I've also recently learned that one of the retirement accounts that I have in the states is no longer valid with foreign-earned income, so I'm thinking of moving all financial aspects of my life to France, and that should also help root me more strongly here. My oldest copine d'enfance (childhood friend) got me these ornaments for Christmas:
I of course, loved getting them and hung them in my little hovel for the holidays. It was a nice reminder that I have two homes, and that planting my feet more firmly in one does not mean loving the other any less.